I know that some people think that I write with the same aplomb as an alcohol-addled monk fish. There are others (I am sure) that think I’m as internet savvy as a soon-to-be-dead fairground fish.
You know what I think? I think that some people should mind their goddamn business think too much.
And others simply don’t think at all.
Take internet spammers. Within 24 hours of me floating the dailytampon onto the internet, they started hitting the site’s annals with unsolicited shite faster than an arachnophobe (like me) can express fear and loathing at the sight of the average freaky-crawly.
So trust me on this … that’s some fast fuckin’ moves that they’re making.
In the event that you’re wondering where in the world of blue canaries this random little diatribe is leading you/me/us – I’ll tell you.
It’s leading us to this:
For the benefit of the non-internet savvy, a spammer is a person, group of people or an organization that:
- sends unsolicited emails into unsuspecting in-boxes - plus make a general nuisance of themselves by way of depositing unwanted back-links upon (and within) forums, comment boxes and a variety of other Web 2.0 sites around the internet. Yes – all very complicated (not to mention boring) if you’re Average Joe Surfer.
In laymen’s terms, they’re a bunch of useless bastards that populate the internet with crap. They’re the metaphorical detritus that collect in the nooks and crannies of just about every single web space they can possibly exploit with their unfuckingwelcome unwanted presence.
Indeed spammers are so hated that there’s now a new breed of jokes circulating the internet faster than Charlie Sheen can fuck up a contract:
So you find yourself caught in a tight corner. Facing you is a very hungry lion and a mean old rattle snake. At your side is a spammer. You do, however, possess a gun – with two bullets in the chamber. What to do? …
… shoot the spammer. Twice.
As a means of climbing down off my high-horse (long enough to spit/curse and/or bake cupcakes) here’s my final thoughts on internet spam (especially when it concerns me):
I do not need -
- a smaller vagina
- a larger penis
- or new breasts
- to detox
- interventions
- or luxury spa days
- to lose weight
- gain muscle
- or brighter whiter teeth
- and I definitely do not need transgender realignment you cheeky bastards.
NB – for those that wonder what spam looks like when it’s slam-dunked into blog comments:
- ? When it got light out, he realized that he had been talking to a plant the whole time, and went on home.
- Most powerful&cost effective SEO and website traffic service in world get up to 100’000 forum backlinks now
- I know it?? s a loophole, I know it?? s basically legal, I know Sarkozy did it only in a turn of populism
- Some genuinely rattling function on behalf with the owner of this site , utterly excellent content material material 151734
Don’t worry if you’re sat thinking ‘WTF?’ - they’re all about the same … 
